What is anticipatory grief?

Most of us think of the word grief and associate it with the loss of a loved one. But grief and loss can relate to a lot of different things, grieving our identity, changes in relationships, changes in career, essentially, where something changes we can have grief about that change.

Did you know that there can be grief before that change even happens? This is called anticipatory grief.

What Is Anticipated Grief?

Anticipated grief happens before a loss actually occurs. It's the emotional response to knowing that someone or something important to us will soon be gone or that the change we expect is coming.

This might be due to a terminal illness, an impending move, or even the end of a meaningful chapter in life. Anticipated grief can be just as intense as grief experienced after a loss, which is why it's helpful to know that it is a very real thing you may be experiencing.

People often expect grief to start after a loss, but with anticipated grief, the feelings begin earlier. This early onset can give us time to prepare emotionally, but it can also bring a mix of emotions like sadness, anxiety, guilt, and even relief that we don't expect or can't explain to others. Understanding this can help us be kinder to ourselves and others who are going through it.

How Anticipated Grief Shows Up Differently for Everyone

Just like grief, anticipated grief is not a one-size-fits-all experience. It can show up in many ways, and recognising these signs can help us better support ourselves and those around us.

• Emotional Responses: Some people feel waves of sadness or anger. Others might experience numbness or denial. It's common to feel a rollercoaster of emotions that change day by day or year by year.

• Physical Symptoms: Grief can affect the body too. You might notice changes in sleep, appetite, or energy levels. Headaches, stomach aches, or a general feeling of being unwell are also common.

• Cognitive Effects: Difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness, or feeling overwhelmed by decisions can happen as your mind processes the impending loss.

• Behavioural Changes: You might withdraw from social activities, or conversely, seek out more connection. Some find comfort in routines, while others may struggle to maintain them.

  
  

Recognising these signs is important because it helps us understand that what we're feeling is normal and valid. It also opens the door to finding ways to cope that work for us personally.

The Importance of Talking to Someone: How Counselling Can Help

One of the most helpful steps you can take when facing anticipated grief is to talk to someone who understands. Counselling offers a safe, supportive space to explore your feelings without judgement. It's a place where you can express your fears, hopes, and uncertainties openly and help normalise what you're going through.

Counselling can reduce feelings of isolation and anxiety during anticipated grief. A counsellor can help you:

• Identify and name your emotions so they feel less overwhelming.

• Develop coping strategies tailored to your unique situation.

• Prepare for the future in a way that honours your feelings and needs.

• Build resilience to face the challenges ahead with greater confidence.

• Support the body - learn tools to regulate your nervous system and navigate the stress associated with grief that can show up in the body.

  
  

Anticipated grief is a challenging experience, but you don't have to face it alone. Talking to someone via counselling is a great way to navigate it with compassion and understanding. It's a step towards embracing your feelings and finding peace amid uncertainty. Learn more about my counselling services here.

Louise Fitzgerald is a mindfulness teacher and counsellor based in Sydney, Australia. She offers individual counselling online and services all of Australia. Meditation workshops can be run in person in Sydney.