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Feeling behind in love, dating, and relationships? Break free from comparison

Writer's picture: Louise FitzgeraldLouise Fitzgerald

Are you single and finding yourself scrolling through social media, comparing your love life to everyone else's? If so, you're not alone—and it's time to break free from that comparison trap.


In this article (and video below) I'll share how comparison can block your path to love (in ways you might not realise) and how you can break free of it.


Let's start with why comparison is so common...


The Comparison Trap: Why It's Worse Than Ever


Thanks to social media, we have access to everyone's lives in a way that we never did before. A while ago, we only saw the people in our immediate community, but now we can see what everyone—literally everyone—is doing around the world. This constant comparison can make us feel like we're falling behind.


But here's the thing: what you see on social media isn't always the whole picture. Think about it—celebrity couples like Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck were once engaged and looking perfectly happy, only to break up shortly after. Relationships can look picture-perfect on the outside, but they aren't always as flawless as they seem.


So, while comparison is easier than ever, it's important to remember that we're only seeing snippets of people's lives. What's presented is curated. That's not to say it's all fake, but it's far from the full story.


Why do we compare ourselves to others?


Here's where it gets interesting: comparison is actually a normal part of being human. There's something called social comparison theory, which suggests that comparing ourselves to others is normal and can help us grow.


Sporting history has show us this time and time again. Take weight lifting, at one point noone could lift a certain weight, one day someone was able to break a record and pretty soon everyone else caught up. So when we see something being possible, when we compare ourselves to others, it can push us.


But here's the catch: comparison can also make us feel worse about ourselves. If you're looking at someone's life and feeling worse instead of motivated, it's time to take a step back and reassess how it's affecting you.


How Comparison Blocks Us in Love


When it comes to relationships, comparison can show up in many ways.


If you're in a relationship, you might find yourself comparing your partner to someone else—maybe you're thinking, "Why can't you be more like Bob, he walks the dog every day?" But here's the truth: we can't cherry-pick the "perfect partner." Everyone has their own unique qualities, and whilst someone might be bringing something to the table that you feel would be amazing, it's important to focus on what you're partner is bringing that you value and is unique to them.


Comparison can also keep us stuck in a scarcity mindset. If you're constantly seeing happy couples and thinking, "Why isn't that me?" it can reinforce the feeling that love is something everyone else is getting, but not you. Instead of focusing on what you lack, try focusing on what's already great in your life.


Is Comparison Helping or Hurting You?


Ask yourself: Is comparison pushing me forward, or is it keeping me stuck? If it's making you feel worse about yourself, and pulling all your attention outward then it's time to refocus your energy inward.


Rather than focusing on what others are doing, look at what you're doing. What makes you great? What makes your path unique? This is where the magic happens. Imagine if you stopped wasting energy comparing and started investing that energy into building up your self-worth. What could you create?


How to Break Free from Comparison


  • Gratitude Practice: One way to shift out of comparison is by practicing gratitude—not just for the people around you, but for yourself. What skills and qualities do you bring to the table? What makes you a great partner? Shift your focus to what's good and valuable about you and your life, rather than what you feel is missing.

  • Social Media Detox: If you find that certain accounts or friends make you feel bad about your life or relationship status, it's okay to unfollow or mute them. Reducing your exposure to people who trigger comparison is a powerful step in protecting your peace of mind.

  • Affirmations for Self-Worth: Repeating affirmations about what's great about you can go a long way in breaking the cycle of comparison. Remind yourself regularly of what makes you unique, special, and deserving of a loving relationship. It's great to balance the natural inclination to compare yourself to others.


Final Thoughts: You're Already Enough


Comparison can sometimes be helpful, but more often than not, it can be a hindrance to your happiness and growth. If you find yourself caught in the trap of comparison, remember that you're already enough. Your journey is unique, and the right person will love you for exactly who you are and arrive when the time is right for both of you.


So, what can you do with that energy you're spending on comparison? Use it to focus on your own growth, self-worth, and uniqueness. Keep moving forward as the amazing person you are, and soon enough, you'l be on the path to the loving relationship you truly deserve.


If you're ready to dive deeper into this work, grab your free guide to start shifting your energy and mindset today.


And if you need one-on-one support, I'm here to help. Let's work together to break free from comparison and help you find the healthy, fulfilling relationship you deserve. Find out more here.





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