The battleground of dating can be like the battleground of fear vs intuition inside of you.
How can you tell the difference between the two?
When do you listen when something tells you to stay, or something tells you to go?
Let's talk about logic first. When it comes to dating, it's helpful to get clear on what's important to you - and not whether they're over 6ft, but what values are important to you.
Relationships aren't just about love. For most people it's about the kind of life you want to create together, what it might be like to live together, how to spend your time and money, and the kind of family you'd like to have.
It's important to be on the same page about some pretty key things.
So once you've got that out of the way, or maybe that comes later... there is the question 'do I like them?', 'is this person right for me?', 'how do I feel around them?'....
And honestly, this is where it can get messy, and there isn't a straightforward answer between the difference between fear and intuition.
The fear voice is generally loud and pushy. There will be anxiety and urgency around it.
The intuition voice is generally quiet, not pushy, and feels more calm.
The trouble is, we usually wait until we're faced with big decisions to try and tell the difference. Which is why I recommend improving your relationship with your intuition outside of these big decision making processes.
The fear voice can be quite loud, so you want to build up your intuition so it becomes equal to or ideally louder than that fear voice.
Build that trust with your intuition, the more you work with it the more you have a backlog of reference points of the times you trusted it (even when it was scary) and things worked out.
Practice with small things. See if you notice if there is an intuition, a feeling or knowing, and see if you can follow it. Note down in your journal what the outcomes are when you followed that voice and when you didn't. Pay attention to feelings in your body, get curious as to what they mean.
We also need to address something massive, which is our past. Our relationship with relationships.
We can have a skewed internal system based on what feels 'normal'. For example, if we grew up around a lot of conflict, then something that is safe and healthy might feel uncomfortable. Here's how that could play out.
You meet someone on a date, and you feel bored. You feel there isn't a spark and you feel there is something telling you that this person isn't right. The truth might be that this person is a great, healthy, potential match for you. It's just that you're not used to it.
So, when we are trying to identify our fear vs intuition, it's important to do some work on ourselves, and heal our past.
Otherwise, we may have crossed wires. Something that is good for us might actually feel scary. When we learn to heal those parts, we can start to recognise what is something to gravitate toward, and what is something to walk away from.
If you want to get off the rollercoaster of the ups and downs and the negativity dating can bring, then sign up for this FREE Guide: Dating Reset - 7 ways to shift your mindset and energy to attract your dream partner.
And if you'd like support on identifying old unconscious beliefs, patterns, and healing the past so you can attract and create healthy relationships - book a 1:1 session here.
I look forward to connecting with you.
Louise xx
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