Someone asked me the question, what do I do because I feel like I'm 'too sensitive' and no one will want to date me.
Can I relate to this!
When I was single, I often felt I was 'too (insert blank here)'. Too much, too sensitive, too alternative, too weird, too broken, the list goes on.
So where does this come from and how can we break this thought pattern?
This question touches on something essential for creating healthy relationships, whether you are single or already in a relationship.
We often have these belief systems which get in our way. Beliefs are created when we have thoughts on repeat, so much so that they become a part of who we are.
Knowing this is helpful, because although it feels like such a part of us that it feels like it is 'us'. It's just an unhelpful belief system which is layered on top of who we are.
Which means, we can peel it away and reveal who we really are under it.
So first, we can understand and dive into, where did this belief system come from?
Upon reflection you might remember it was something someone (or many people) said to you, or something you are modelling from an early caregiver (for example did your caregiver believe that they weren't good enough?). Digging for this source is helpful, because we can challenge it:
"Just because someone didn't like that I was 'too (insert blank here)', it doesn't mean that is true'"
Even if we've had many people tell us this, it doesn't make it a universal truth. It just means we aren't right for that person.
For example, some people in this world think I talk too much, my husband happens to love it (most the time anyway lol).
Some people I dated felt the work I did was 'too weird' for them, again, lots of people, including my partner think it's great.
Some people won't like that I'm short with brown eyes, well I can't do much about that...
Think of your personality traits that you're worried about as being just as ingrained as the colour of your eyes. You could change it briefly with contacts, but one day, it's just set in stone that you have brown eyes. Someone is either going to like that or not.
Our job isn't to change ourselves so that people accept us, our job is to accept who we are, and go find someone else who can too.
And I promise, there is someone who will love that you are sensitive, not 'too sensitive', but sensitive.
Again, just for solidarity here is another example, this week it's Halloween, and a lot of people are decorating their homes with fake spiderwebs. These fake spiderwebs are bad for wildlife as they can get tangled up in them, and this worries me.
My husband thought it was wonderful that I care about this kind of thing, and patiently waited as I collected all the fake spiderwebs that were floating around the neighbourhood to dispose of them.
It made our walk longer, and someone would have been annoyed by this, but he wasn't.
So aim for that, your person is out there. The more you lean into who you are, celebrate that, and celebrate the 'rejection' from anyone else - the quicker you'll find your person.
Love Louise xx

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